Over the Edge
by FullMetal-edwardelric-fangirl
Summary: "After I came back from Afghanistan, I seriously considered this. Several times. But, back then I thought, 'maybe I can help people.' ...Somehow I knew it wouldn't last." /FEAR THE ANGSTYNESS! Oh, and character-death. D'x/ T: Death, depressing-ness...


_Hello everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read my second Flashpoint fan fiction! :D I appreciate the reviewers from my fan fic before this, as well. ;D_

_Ah, well, here comes another angsty Sammy! Poor Sammy. I'm so mean. He needs a hug. :O_

…

_Anyone who reviews can give Samtasic (before this story…haha…) a hug! :3_

**Disclaimer: **I obviously don't own Flashpoint. If I did, would I be writing fan fictions for a show I could show my ideas on TV for? I think not.

_Without any further yammering, I present to you:_

**Over the Edge**

'Silence is deafening.'

The oxymoron that makes so much sense, it's scary. It IS scary, really, if you think about it. It's so quiet...there's nothing to fill the emptiness of the room.

Emptiness. That's all you feel when you make a decision like this. It's the final moment of 'yes or no' that ultimately pushes you over the edge.

It's sad when you, being a cop yourself, now know what it's like to have a gun to your head, finger on the trigger. And you now feel how all those subjects did, having the choice to take their life or not.

But suicidal cases never took a turn for the better.

And now you think of that one person that you should've protected; that one person who kept you on the cliff. They were holding your hand, keeping you from falling...falling...

_''What the Hell is going on up there?''_

_''Sam!''_

_My breath hitched, but I had to keep focused. Jules' life was in the balance of all this shit. ''I have the solution.''_

_''Copy that. Jules, how you doing up there?''_

_..._

_No reply._

_''Jules?'' Sarge was shouting into his microphone and trying to see her up on the rooftop. ...I was the only one who had eyes on the situation, and it was getting out of hand. ''Sarge, they're near the edge...'' I was talking as if it was a threat. ''And he has her arm! Damn it!''_

_''Keep calm, Sam! If it comes to the worst we need a steady shot!''_

_I was trying...so hard...SO hard not to blow. The tension in my chest just kept getting tighter and tighter and I was sure I was going to snap._

_Maybe I already had..._

_My finger was on the trigger. I was prepared to take that man's life, as inhumane as it sounds. I was ready to end his existence. Wanting to, even. It made me feel sick, but, I almost welcomed it. I was a killer after all..._

_And then, finally, the order came._

"_Scorpio."_

_...I should've paid more attention. I should've noticed how close to the edge they were. But I wanted him off of her...Jules…._

It feels awful...no, 'awful' is an understatement...to be the reason that someone died. It's worse when it was someone you cared for. But...it's enough to drive you insane when you know you could've prevented it...and this was the second time it had happened.

...

Now my head is starting to hurt. The silence is so LOUD its giving me a headache.

I've come to terms with my decision. I'm not doing this to end my suffering...no...I don't deserve that kind of pleasure. I'm not worthy of that liberty. No, I'm doing this for everyone else. I can't...I don't want to make anyone else deal with my mistakes...Matt...And now Jules...Damn it, it's all my fault!

...After I came back from Afghanistan, I seriously considered this. Several times. But, back then I thought, 'maybe I can help people.' I knew it would never make up for what I did to Matt, but I had to try. Every time my team and I saved all of the people in the situation, it made my heart feel a little lighter.

But somehow I knew it wouldn't last.

Lou...I couldn't do anything to save him. I wanted to...oh God, how I WISH there was something I could've done...but we all knew that that moment wasn't going to have a happy ending.

But Jules...I should've known! But I was so angry...so upset that I was all too trigger-happy when the order was given. And now Jules is..she's...

My finger is twitching on the trigger. Heh. I wanted to use a rifle...but I wasn't able to position it to me...so I'm going to use a pistol instead.

My phone, which is lying on my beside table, is buzzing. Probably Sarge. Maybe Ed. Hell, after what happened yesterday, it might be Spike or Wordy.

Guess I'll never know.

I'm still feeling trigger-happy. I'm ready now. Prepared. I'm not atoning for anything by doing this. And I know that. But I'm preventing further mistakes. Further deaths. My list of 'it's all my fault's is already long enough.

I didn't even get to tell Jules I loved her for the last time...

Ha. Even if she would've made it out of that, she would've been paralyzed. She would've been wishing for the death that hadn't come to her. And it would've been a miracle if she'd forgiven me for putting her through all that.

'What if'ing can't help me now, though. I lost. I'm going to jump off the edge of the cliff after her. FOR her. There's nothing left I can do for this world...there wasn't much I could do from the start, anyway.'

I've made my decision. There's no turning back…I, too, will die by the hands of a killer.

...

_Click._


End file.
